#i want to live in a world that is a conservative's worst nightmare

[airasora]

Yes to all of this.

Though I do agree with her that the new SaTC show is trash 😂

[takerfoxx]

On the night of the election, I had an honest-to-God dream where I woke up and found out that Harris had shockingly come in from behind and won the election. I remember how relieved I was that the nightmare had been averted. That we did choose to not elect a senile fascist back into office. That most of my country weren't willing choosing evil over progress.

Then I woke up, literally and figuratively.

Obviously, this has been a heavy blow. Honestly, as someone who was raised as a conservative Christian, who was a huge fan of Linkin Park, Kanye West, JK Rowling, Joss Whedon, Neil Gaiman, and the Undertaker for years, and who felt like I could trust my friends and family to have my back, it's been like these last few years have been a relentless train of disappointment and disillusionment in everything and everyone I once believed in and looked up to, and who I would go to for escape when things were bad. I know you should never meet your heroes, but damn, could they just have been like salty jerks who were caught being mean to the waiter instead of fascists, abusers, bigots, and so on? Could the entire world view that I had been raised in and fervently believed for over half my life not have turned out to be so awful? And yeah, I'm including the friends and family part in that as well.

Obviously, since the election, there's been a lot of finger pointing. Did Harris run a bad campaign? Did she abandon the working class? Was it the Gaza issue? Was it the fault of moral abstainers or third-party voters?

And honestly, I get it. Given the sheer horror of what we're facing, I get being frustrated with people who don't help and/or vote against their own interests only to go all Shocked Pikachu face when the worst possible scenario occurs. But I've been doing some thinking, and I personally believe that even if all those groups came out in support of Harris, whether it be because they do support her or even just as a way to block Trump, she still would have lost. This is the first time in a long time that a Democratic nominee lost the popular vote, after all. I think Biden would have lost too, and he only won in 2020 because of the very unique circumstances caused by the pandemic.

I think we need to face the facts. America's been sliding into fascism for decades.

Reagan. The extremism that erupted after 9/11. Birtherism. Gamergate. The Manosphere. The far right has been busy, whether it be stacking the deck politically or pinpointing the fears and insecurities of every generation and tuning their messaging to draw people in. They tell them what they want to hear, that it's not their fault that they aren't getting what the American dream promised them, and it's all the fault of (insert minority group here). It's been targeted. It's been methodical. And it's been working.

Trump won. He's going to get away with everything. The far right won. This sucks. I wish I had some inspiring words about never giving up the fight, but I'm not that guy. And honestly, I'm starting to feel that spiteful part of me come out, the one that sort of hopes that everything does get much worse so that every braindead moron who voted against their best interests gets exactly what they got coming to them.

But I also know how dangerous that line of thinking of. So please, Do NOT listen to me. There are plenty of people still rallying the troops, still encouraging people to fight, people who are in far more danger than I am. I'll be fine. I'm just a tired and disappointed middle-aged white guy living in a boring California suburb. I'm safe. But there's a lot of people that aren't. And those are the voice that you need to be listening to.

As for me, I'm not giving up, I'm going to keep voting, going to keep supporting the causes I believe in, and going to keep helping how I can. But I'm also going to go away for a while. Not long, probably just a few weeks or so. But I'm going to disengage from social media for a bit to keep from doomscrolling and just focus on writing, because that's all I really know how to do. And when I do come back, I'll have a lot more stuff for you guys.

In the meantime, please be good to yourselves. Be good to those who are scared and hurting. The world needs you in it, now more than ever.

[sister-juniper]

Safe With Me (Terzo x Reader)

Prompt was suggested by @saruman-the-silly

feel free to comment with any suggestions for oneshots :3

★ Angst with comfort/fluff :) ★

my ao3

my wattpad

☆ Word count: 1252 ☆

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You were lounging on the bed in Papa Terzo's quarters. He was out for the day, as Papa Emeritus he is incredibly busy. You as a sibling of sin don't have very many duties, especially since you began seeing Papa. He had gotten you excused from most of your duties.

You were relaxing in the black and purple bedding, the time was 8:00 pm. You could see the sun setting beautifully through the massive window behind his desk. Terzo should be back within an hour at most. You were excited! You had been longing to see him all day. You were quite attached to him, he made you feel the safest and most loved you have felt in years.

Suddenly, you feel your phone buzzing next to you on the sheets. Not really wanting much social interaction with others at the moment, you groan in dissatisfaction as you grab the phone and look at the screen. It is an unknown number. That's weird...

You press the button to answer and hold the phone up to your ear. An all too familiar voice fills your ears.

"Y/N, where have you been?"

It is your father. 

You had fled your home in search of something better a few years ago, and in doing so you found the ministry. You had blocked everyone including both of your parents. They were conservative and abusive. You never, ever, wanted to hear from them again. 

Your breath was caught in your throat. How on earth did they get your number? 

"U-um. Hi" you choked out

"Y/N, answer me. Where have you been?!?" your father yells over the phone

You curl your knees to your chest "I ran away..."

"We have been trying to get in touch with you for years! How dare you just abandon us like that!!"

You want to hang up. You want to so badly, but your body and mind just won't let you. Part of you is too afraid to.

"Y/N, answer me this instant!!"

"I am staying somewhere else..." you say as tears prick at your eyes

"Tell me more..." your father states sternly

"No, im not going to!" you yell into the phone

"Y/N!! How dare you raise your voice at me!! Has the devil gotten to you or something?" Your father screams

Your body starts to shake, you feel yourself beginning to be on the urge of a panic attack. You must stay strong though, you must.

"You need to come home this instant. You have brought shame to our community..."

"NO! Im not doing that. I am happy where I am!"

"Stupid child, I am your father. You. Listen. To. Me!"

"I am an adult, I make my own decisions!!" You scream as tears stream down your face

"Not in our community you don't. I still make the decisions."

"Well fuck that. Im not in the community anymore!"

"Cursing now huh? What has gotten into you??"

You clench the phone in your hand as your breathing speeds up "Im happier now. Just leave me alone."

"This is what the outside world does to you. It brainwashes you! You cannot be happier"

"Well, I am. Deal with it, Dad."

"All that's out there is hellish and the devil. There is nothing good."

"Who says the devil is bad?" You say quietly into the phone

"Who says?? Everyone says!! What is your problem?? Are you nuts?!"

Now you are sobbing, and trying desperately to control your breathing. Him speaking to you again after years absolutely terrifies you. It was one of your worst nightmares after leaving the community, and now it is happening. But you cannot show your weak side to him, you must stay strong.

"The devil sure is better than you ever were."

Before your father can respond, you hang up the phone. You throw your phone down on the bed and curl up in a fit of sobs. You can't believe what had just happened. His voice brought you back to years ago when you were living under his roof.

Your breathing is frantic, and your entire body is shaking. You are having a panic attack and you know it. 

Very soon, Terzo has arrived back. You hear the faint sound of keys turning the doorknob and suddenly the two of you are in the room together. He takes in the sight of your shaking figure and panicked, tear-stricken face and he is immediately filled with concern.

"Mio caro, what happened? Is everything okay?" He questions as he approaches you

You open your mouth to respond but all that comes out is a pained sob. Terzo sits on the bed and pulls you into his embrace.

"Hey... it's gonna be okay yes? Im right here..."

You bury your face in his chest and sob into his arms. He rubs your back and kisses the top of your head in an attempt to comfort you.

"I love you... everything will be alright.. you are safe with me..."

"I-I love you too.." you say through sniffles

After around 10 minutes, you can feel your breathing beginning to become more normal, and you start to calm down. Your tears stop flowing, and he holds you close. You lift your head up to look at him.

"Do you want to talk about what happened amorina? Only if you want" he says with a soft smile

"Yeah, I do..."

He lets go of you so you can sit up and look at him face-to-face.

"I got a call from a random number. I answer it, and it is my father on the other end of the line..."

Terzo is taken aback "Your father? Cazzo... you told me about him.."

"Yeah, him. Well, he had apparently been trying to contact me for years and he wasn't too happy.."

"He yelled at me, he said a lot of nasty things, but I didn't show him my weak side"

Terzo puts a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Whatever nasty thing he said is not true you know. You are perfect"

You smile a little "Thank you..."

"He said a lot of things about how the devil is getting to me. I guess that part is true" you say with a small chuckle

Terzo smiles in return "Sí, the devil is not bad. It is how you found this ministry, it is how you found me"

"I am a little scared though..."

"Why is that? You are safe with me, you are always going to be safe with me"

"I don't know.. what if he finds me somehow?"

Terzo sighs and pulls you close to him again. "He will never be able to get you. I will always be by your side"

"What about when you are on tour? When you are busy?"

"Ah well, I can just have a ghoul keep watch over you. They will tear the hands off anyone who tries to harm you"

You smile against his chest "Okay... thank you Terz..."

Terzo presses a kiss to your forehead "Of course mi amore, do you feel a bit better now?"

"Yes.. I do.."

"Good! Im glad. Just remember, im always by your side forever. No matter what"

You sit up and press a kiss to his lips. You pull back and the two of you look deep into each others' eyes.

"You are everything to me amore, always remember that. Your father is not here to hurt you any longer. It is just you and I now"

He pulls you into another kiss. You will be forever thankful that the dark lord has blessed you with the life you have currently. It is out of your wildest wishes, and you never want it to end. You are safe, you no longer live with your abusive family. 

You are safe in the arms of Terzo Emeritus, you are safe within the walls of the Ministry, for all eternity.

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[writerofweird]

Stand-Alone Short Halloweeny Stories on TWWoGB

Birdsong Three feline siblings are looking for a cook (some violence).

The Easter Werewolf The Easter Bunny becomes a werewolf.

They Only Laughed ‘Cause I Was Drunk When making someone laugh can seem like a matter of life or death.

The Monsters’ Party There’s a party for monsters in the old haunted house…but there’s more to it than meets the eye.

A Horrible Wail A monster’s undeserved punishment.

Mr. Deer Man An encounter with a hybrid of man and deer. (some violence)

Heck Comes to Sloofiewoof Land The once-cheerful Oozie has turned his beautiful world into a miserable wasteland; can a spectral rabbit convince him to restore Sloofiewoof Land to its former glory? (some violence)

The Living House A search for a living house with surprising results (some language).

Dorothy Lost A retelling of a classic story, where Dorothy finds herself in a confusing world full of bizarre creatures.

Time Passes Quickly A ghost and her reflections on her afterlife.

The Bowling Ball People What was supposed to be a night at the lanes becomes a journey to another dimension. Lerrs An encounter with a certain type of vampire.

Joke Books Talk about a situation that’s beyond a joke. (some crude humour)

The Hunter A sheep finds himself in a familiar but distorted world, pursued by a sinister creature. (some bloody violence)

I Love October October is a very special month for some people.

The Elf The creepy tale of a creepy decoration.

The Museum A young woman comes across a special museum with a monstrous guide (foul language and crude humour)

The Monsters of Bremen A group of four undead animals look for their place in the world (some blood).

Silly Bunny A magic trick doesn’t go as planned.

Succeed or Sustain The worst game show ever.

The Ghost Train Not just a fairground ride.

Jolly Jungleland Ever wanted to escape into a world you created?

Saving Christmas What if you had a chance to save Christmas?

The Right Moment A childhood nightmare come alive.

Larry the Clown A different type of job offer.

The New Puppets The theme park has something new.

Georgia and the Castle Ruins What secrets lie in the old grounds?

Monstrous Mansion Your new favourite show.

Euryale A woman has a surprising guest over (includes death, violence and references to suicide and murder).

Mr. Toad vs. Dracula Two famous literary characters do battle (includes blood, violence and references to suicide).

The Haunted Flat A woman finds her flat is haunted, but she knows what to do about it (contains references to murder, suicide and misogyny, as well as mentions of organs and blood, and brief nudity).

Films, Flicks and Food A restaurant themed around movies.

Junior Nature Photographer You’ll be surprised what you can find out and about.

The Decoder Ring An odd thing to find in your cereal.

A Conversation Between Two Monsters The doubts that come with the job.

The Perfect Little Girl In the City of Crownsville, a professor works at artificially creating a daughter, someone who can bring light and hope to a hateful world. He might get a little more than he expected… (contains violence, gore, death, foul language, abuse and references to homophobia, pro-life and conservative ideology)

The Beast in the Countryside Is there more to a werewolf attack than what it seems? (contains death, gore, murder, abuse, sexism and nudity)

Aladdin and the Evil Cat An awkward pantomime experience (contains references to racism, cultural appropriation and a certain company supporting Israel)

Penny the Poltergeist A poltergeist does a good deed (includes death, violence and gore).

They Don’t Make Them Like This A special TV set.

Comics They can be what you want them to be (contains references to death.)

You’re A Dead Man One fine day…(contains references to death, heatstroke, pneumonia, shooting and the government)

Dracula’s Halloween Party A real nightmare (contains references to death, murder, xenophobia and antisemitism)

[variousqueerthings]

No blowing up the planet!

it's.... Nightmare In Silver!!! the second of the neil gaiman penned episodes, and I've gotta be honest, the only thing I'm really vibing with this time around is Warwick Davis, unfortunately, because I'd want to watch it again for Warwick Davis, youknow?

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 4/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 3/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 4/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 4/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 6/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 4/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 8/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 8/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 4/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 5/10

FULL RATING: 50/100 (if I can count….)

it's not so much that it's the worst episode of ever, it's more that it's spreading itself way too thin. And then of course. we get the second most infamous fucking terrible line in Eleven's run:

OBJECTIFICATION: "A mystery rapped inside of an enigma squeezed into a skirt that’s just a bit too… tight."

I am just hoping that Neilman didn't write this line, because it scans as pure M*ffat at his worst, but who knows. this is the Doctor about Clara, and look, not that it should even matter, because it's a heinous line that shouldn't exist, but it also doesn't make sense, because Clara's skirts may be relatively short, but they're cut in a sort of almost 50s flare (I don't know skirt cutting terminology)

and I hate that that's even a point I have to make in this, why do I have to think about the tightness of Clara's skirts fuck you fuck you fuck you!

this is genuinely the only thing, but it comes outta fucking nowhere slaps you in the face and then leaves you with "ah, thank you for summing up the only things that matte about your lead character in one, hypersexist sentence." which... speaking of the first half of that sentence

PLOT-POINT: I've been praising Clara's competency in most of her episodes. she's proactive, she does things even though she's scared, she knows number one rule is Not Dying.... in this episode she's got none of the depth that comes with the things she does

suddenly, she is just In Charge Of Soldiers, and she's practically a different character. gone are emotional tie-ins to what she's doing, in fact she mostly seems to be having fun and/or being very happy to be put in charge of this particular military, with the exception of a second when they're almost killed by Cybermen

I did write initially that I liked her taking charge in this one too, but as the episode went on, she felt more like she was just there to run the B-plot, than to be important. I also wrote down this line "The only reason I’m still alive is because I do what the Doctor says"

honestly I'd have to go back and see if rtd-era companions have these sorts of lines, but also my girl-guy, he's asking you to run first line of defense against Cybermen, it's not that you're not being put in danger. this is the sort of line I'd have expected from Amy, but I think Clara's been remarkably free of them up until now (I could be wrong, but from my notes!) Especially because throughout this season we've had episodes where the Doctor had no idea what to do and you saw that Clara!

this is me picking up on dialogue, because this episode... did not have good dialogue by and large, but we'll get back to that, because we're not done with "The Impossible Girl" (sigh) -- because if you didn't think she was kind of absent proper emotions before, (such as the episode breezing mostly past her reaction to seeing the kids she's taking care of being controlled by Cybermen, which, again I can sort of believe in that she hasn't met Cybermen before and so doesn't think the children are dead like previous companions might, but they're still kids she deeply cares for and apart from an initial comical anger scene, she's just moving onwards with the plot), then remember here at the end that she's not really important, she's just the mystery of the season for the Doctor to solve!

COMPLEXITY: this episode has so many setpieces. there was a war 1000 years ago vs Cybermen that people won, and now they're on this abandoned amusement park that has a bunch of old Cybermen casings, and there's a lost emperor, except he's this guy who's been calling himself Porridge, who's the secret behind an automaton chess player (a real thing that existed in the 18th-19th century and used this exact technique), but is actually the long-missing emperor that's been searched for for awhile, I cannot remember why he was undercover as an amusement park gimmick called fucking Porridge

uh and then the Cybermen start waking up, because the Doctor brought children here and they needed children and I cannot remember why, and they cannot blow up the planet, until they've saved the children, and the Doctor is infected, but plays a chessgame against his evil Cyberself (called Mr Clever, because everything in this era has to be weirdly Silly all the time), while the others fight the Cybermen in an abandoned "comical castle" because it's still a theme park and most of them die, the Doctor convinces the evil!self to release the children and then promptly fries him out of his brain, because why wouldn't he do that???

and all the survivors beam up to the emperor's big ship and blow up the planet. I have a lot of questions. why a themepark (did they explain that, I somehow must have missed it), why is the emperor missing (did they explain that, I somehow must have missed it) why is he pretending to be this guy called Porridge? (did they explain that, I somehow must have missed it) why tf is he missing if he's so easily recognisable that a child would get it?? (did they explain that, I somehow must have missed it) why did the cybermen need children? (did they explain that, I somehow must have missed it) why was the amusement park abandoned and then stationed with troops? (did they explain that, I somehow must have missed it)

so like. there maybe are explanations for all of these points, but my point is that this episode is so unwieldy that if you look away for a second you miss the potentially single piece of dialogue explaining a thing and then it's very unclear for the rest of the story. and I am Watching these episodes, taking notes, going back to read subtitles. I genuinely don't know how I missed all of that

and I like watching things that are complicated, I do. but only if it's also engaging, and this episode is not engaging enough for me to go back now and look through it (or even to possibly watch it again). it's got so much dialogue that is so out of place, tonally and structurally, there's no way I'm going in to try and focus more on it than I already did. my point isn't necessarily that the above wasn't explained, it's that it wasn't explained well, and there was a barrage of weird shit that was coming at you from all sides

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: you'd think, considering evil!Doctor is inside the Doctor's mind and they're battling it out and evil!Doctor is seeing Forbidden Knowledge and also being kinda weird about the Doctor's and Clara's relationship (framing it as explicitly romantic), that there would be more forward-motion, but not really

Clara's not massively changed from the kids having been kidnapped and taken over by Cybermen, and neither are the kids for that matter. which, I don't know where to put this, but remember how back in Rings of Akhaten I was saying that there's a looooot of kids in this era, which would be great if they could act (like the kid in Akhaten), these kids are... not good actors in this episode. and they're also given (especially the girl) thankless fucking dialogue. she's meant to be giving that tween/early teen surliness, and in order to manage this 90% of her dialogue is calling things stupid. She'll enter a scene like this:

Kid: Hello I’m bored Soldier asks her where her sister (Clara) is Kid: She’s not my sister, she’s stupid

this.... is not how tweens/early teens talk, and you can feel the director going "just act huffy in Every Single Moment you're onscreen." she calls the Tardis stupid, she calls an alien planet stupid, she calls people stupid, I swear the nr one word this character says is "stupid"

point being, the kids aren't important to any forward trajectory on the whole, Clara isn't questioning the picture of herself in the last episode that she doesn't recognise so that's a bust, and the Doctor's little duel of the mind doesn't go much of anywhere

the only bit of something that may come up again is the Cyberman bit drifting around space to set up future Cybermen (shocking)

COMPANIONS MATTER: she does. yeah, she does take control of the soldiers. I wish it had been more awkward. why is this Clara, who was having a near panic-attack in Cold War, who was admitting to being terrified in Hide, why is she just so effortlessly good at this? but yeah, she does do Plot Things so to speak

I'm also not 100% convinced the Doctor would leave his companion -- especially this companion, whom he is trying not to get killed for the third time - at the front lines battling Cybermen, that's truly a last resort kind of situation that seems very chill here

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: aaaand so we get to the A-Plot, which is an admittedly cool little setting in the Doctor's mind where the Gallifreyan cogs whirl around (I wonder if there's easter eggs in there)

and of course, really it's a way to "trick" the evil!Doctor into letting the kids go, so he can say fuck it to the chessgame and just electric him out of his mind, and that's exactly what happens

it's fine-ish, I've marked it down because it totally overshadows the plot where Clara is in charge of scared soldiers, which matters far less, and shouldn't! and also because... I'm circling around saying there's a lot of this dialogue that doesn't work for me either, and that I don't think Matt Smith is the best actor for it

I've enjoyed Matt Smith in this era, more than I thought I would. there are some things he does very well (cry-face is solid, rapid speech patterns without it getting jumbled, annoyance, lotta bodily flailing although I think directors overuse that to the point of my not taking him seriously at all quite often), where I think he often loses me is the Dramatic Time Lord Stuff. the quiet competency and rage, the shouting grand speeches, all of that... never worked for me, didn't work this time either, and the whole episode hinges on it a bit

it didn't help that evil!Doctor called himself "Mr Clever," it's one of those things that happens a lot in this era where the balance of lighthearted-for-"kids" (in the sense that you can see the screen screaming for children to think this is funny/whimsical/etc) and take-this-seriously-in-the-timetravel-show-please is see-sawing like mad. often just a lot little things, like that. it's like someone grabbing you by the face and yelling WHIMSY!!!!!! at you, rather than whimsy coming from the construction of the story

but yeah evil!Doctor is kind of sneering I guess. I think there's just more that could have been done with this concept, but like everything else it's stretched Thin

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: so apparently these Cybermen reference a bunch of Classic cybermen, along with the ones developed during RTD's era. that's cool. also a few references to other Doctor's, especially Ten, with Allonsy and

"You've had some cowboys in here, ten complete rejigs"

“SEXINESS”: we are pretty solid on this on the whole. thank goodness. I do wonder about the emperor asking Clara to marry him, but I'll save the emperor as concept for last

INTERNAL WORLD: yeah, back to complexity, nonsense from top to bottom. I guess it's built like a theme park, in that there is a theme park map. I'm just realising this is set at a theme park and we see four locations -- the bit where they land on the "fake moon," and do some fake moon jumping. the soldiers barracks. the little room kept by the con-man carnival type. and the "comical" castle. why set this at a theme park if you're not showing any... theme park?

POLITICS: this episode is devoid of politics, except we've got this platoon and we've got this emperor of several worlds, and none of it has any bearing on the episode, because we're not meant to think about these sorts of things. the platoon is kind of the dredges, and so several of them are immediately killed by Cybermen, which would be gruesome if one cared about them, but the episode has so much going on that there's not enough time to focus in properly

but also were they drafted? did they volunteer? can they quit? who's their families, their planets? what made them join up if they did join up? why do they care about the emperor, what is that loyalty made up of? propaganda? why does the emperor matter? what is the suggestion that the word "emperor" makes spring to mind?

it's sort of framed like a budget LOTR with a return of the king, except his spaceship was orbiting the planet the whole time. I still don't know what he was doing there, or why they didn't just evacuate and blow it up earlier, and I'm saying this, but also is there more at stake when "blowing up a planet" who lived there? what culture is lost? how does it tie into the idea that an emperor can just blow up a planet?

he's presented as a benevolent, brave person, who's fine with Clara turning down his hand in marriage, but truthfully we know nothing about him at all, and actually a story about that would have been more interesting to me. what are the connotations of it all???

FULL RATING: 50/100 (if I can count….)

a thin thin episode with too much happening, too many characters, highly suspect dialogue, much of which was out of character, and a setting that's cool on the surface and then totally unexplored, because it too, is just there to be Cool rather than to have any deeper bearing on things

it's got some nice callbacks to classic!who and Warwick Davis, that's... most of what it's got going for it, unfortunately

and then that fucking line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[reitziluz]

betrayal, desire, nightmare for OC ask thing

wooooo took ages to type these up but boy did i have fun!! 

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

kimon: mostly there hasn't been enough trust to begin with for it to count. but he did backstab a god the moment it chose him.

vaal: learned a harsh life lesson about trusting nice helpful guards as a kid. as in, got tricked into revealing emself, which directly led to em getting recruited, and things were hazy for a long time after that.

arin: has a history of Messy relationships, and has cheated and been cheated on. the worst betrayal they've experienced is the time when not only was their work stolen, but they were also framed for fraud. the fraud part got cleared up, but their reputation never fully recovered, and a lot of doors remain closed.

tess: a relative became her guardian/conservator after she lost her parents, and turns out, had ulterior motives. she's working on turning the game right back on them.

sam: there's been a few people that have turned out to be abusers or moles or swindlers in her circles. she never intentionally goes back on her word. 

leskel: has bit of a habit of using people. to put it mildly. 

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

kimon: peace. to get Fate off his ass and live a nice boring life. openly talks about the latter part. mostly his plan is to Not Do things that would drag him into Situations and have him deal with bullshit. he’s willing to take some extreme measures and make big moves, like he already has escaped a necromancer cult and defected from the armed forces of a dictatorship run by mind controllers.

vaal: struggles to express any kind of desire and does not feel allowed to pursue them. e doesn't fully know what e wants, but… maybe to continue seeing new skies. 

arin: recognition. it's hard not to hear them speak about it. they say they want fame and riches, but it's more about proving their worth and being valued and respected. academically, of course, it's not like they want their family's approval, don't get any ideas!!  they are often tempted to cheat, but also hate cheaters with a burning passion, so honest hard work it is! they used to be willing to risk life and limb, but they're starting to run a bit low on those.

tess: justice. she's open about it on a general level, when talking about politics and such. she's hiding the more personal side, because she's on a revenge quest. happens that she's also wrestling with the question of what would she be willing to do to reach her goal?

sam: unity, as in community but also unionization. everyone should join a union. the refinery becoming worker owned was great, but let's keep going. she wants everyone thriving, she doesn't want any more heartbreak, and has the dedication and disciple to put in the countless thankless hours of work to achieve that.

leskel: ascension. he will do anything to achieve it. extremely secretive.

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

kimon: he doesn't speak about it, but has a recurring nightmare. he has essentially tamed it. it's supposed to be a prophetic “Come Defeat Thine Adversary O Chosen One” deal but he just sits down and meditates in the hell cave until the dream runs out. sometimes, on more lucid occasions, he’s able to talk with it.

vaal: having a fun time only to suddenly realize e has done something terrible to eir loved ones. e doesn't like talking about eir nightmares other than to state e had one. thankfully e dreams very rarely to begin with, because e does not handle the nightmare well. it's either frightening repression or clingy bedbug mode for the day. 

arin: their nightmares are mild, more like stress dreams. they complain about them loudly to anyone who's willing to listen, and go on ignoring the fact that they're a sign they need to practice some self care. their most intense nightmares feature a great monster hunting them, usually in labyrinthine basements or attics. 

tess: had violent night terrors as a child. still suffers from night paralysis. she talks about it pretty freely. most of the time it's classic hat man or teeth falling out shit. sometimes being pinned down is a feature, and she's a bit more unwilling to get detailed about those.

sam: sorrowful dreams that she wakes up from crying. taking some time to grieve again for a moment, and doing something comforting like drink a cup of tea helps. she talks about them with trusted friends, but usually only when asked. the hardest one is where she's present for an event she actually had learned about way after the fact. that nightmare is the only time she's afraid of heights.

leskel: doesn't sleep. cannot sleep. it will be there. and he won't be able to hide.

[alltimefail]

"Mike and Will ending up together doesn't make sense because it's more realistic for the time period that Will ends up alone. Gay people suffered in the 80s."

Oh boy... let's unpack this. I have a take that I've actually yet to see on this topic. ↓

You think Will... hasn't... suffered?!??! Will Byers? Zombie boy? Demogorgon ripped him from his own house his own backyard and stuck him in an alternate dimension for a WEEK Will Byers? The relentlessly bullied at school Will Byers? Abusive father having Will Byers?

Will... who watched the boy he has been in love with for likely his whole life, the boy who: promised to go "crazy together" with Will, who slept on the floor by his bed in his most vulnerable hour, who held his hand and promised to keep him safe, who trusted him even when he was a "spy" for the mind flayer, who treasures his art so much that he hangs it in his basement and bedroom and keeps it tucked away in a binder suddenly and without warning sideline him for a girl who he JUST MET. (A girl which Mike met while Will was off living his worst nightmare and fighting to stay alive, I might add.) Not to mention the fact that Will can't even hate the girl in question because she literally saved his life and then basically becomes his sister who he genuinely and without question loves, respects, and wants the best for... but of course that can't stop the pain from breaking his spirit Will Byers?? The boy who got possessed by a being from an alternate dimension, a being that went as far as using his own senses against his friends and family Will Byers? Will who lives with the fact that he is indirectly responsible for killing Bob and feels guilt even when it isn't fault? Will who STILL can feel the monster inside him even though it was supposed to be exercised out and now said monster has a name and a face and that part of him is still with Will - still lurking in the back of his consciousness without his consent?!

And you know what?! It's not even *just* Will! Will AND Mike both had to grow up quickly and leave the safety of childhood behind to save the world, a world that has never been kind to them!! We're talking about Will and Mike who both live in a conservative small town that makes them feel like a mistake (Will specifically notes this and there's enough reason in canon to believe Mike has felt this way too) just for daring to be a little different?!?! To like DnD and fantasy and Star Wars? Mike Wheeler who watches his parents suffer in a loveless relationship because "That's just what you do" when you grow up??!?! Mike Wheeler who quite literally associates growing up with leaving behind the dreams, hobbies, and ambitions that make you happy because the "best thing[s] you've ever done" are the things of fairytales and childhood grandeur, that's the stuff of 7-year-olds, of kids, and it has been beat into him by society and his upbringing that genuine happiness has no place in the adult world? Mike who likely feels directly responsible for El's happiness because of how much she continually has sacrificed to save him and his loved ones (i.e. dealing with heavy, debilitating survivors guilt) and can't understand why he can't just say "I love you" and mean it because shit he owes her that much, right? Mike Wheeler who, when faced with a death drop from the edge of a cliff and left with very little hope that he could save Will after seeing his corpse and seemingly loosing his one link to the upside down, doesn't even attempt to jump the cliff (avoiding the rocks) but instead merely steps off, accepting a guaranteed death for another friend's baby teeth?! Mike Wheeler and Will Byers, two boys who have watched all their friends fight and die or very nearly die for years? These boys who have been bullied and ostracized for not conforming well enough (when we know forced conformity is what's killing the kids, right?)... you think they haven't suffered?!?!

I always see this argument responding to the realism claims, but never addressing the fact that these two boys (and everyone around them) have suffered enough! To insinuate otherwise diminishes this very clear, very canon fact.

Like yeah, it's silly to argue for "realism" in a show about monsters and parallel dimensions. But frankly, it's sinister to argue that Mike and Will have not suffered enough, and that is why they cannot possibly end up together. All these kids have suffered in various different ways.

So what more do people want from them? How much more suffering must they endure to be worthy of a happy ending?

TLDR, Mike and Will at the general audience are actually like:

[420hamlet]

Her dreams and nightmares — Paula Velasco (#59)

My mother never had any wish to become a bride.

When she was nine, she wanted to be a professional skater, but there was no ice rink in town. So she abandoned that dream.

In high school, my mother realized she was a terrible student, and her dream of becoming a doctor was shattered.

By the mid-90s, the only thing my mother was sure of was that she wanted to enjoy her life, and she did. She stayed out past curfew, took her sisters to concerts, shared a boyfriend with her best friend, and caused havoc in the small, conservative town where she lived.

After that, of course, she had to take the leash of her own life and steer it somewhere. Loving the colors and shapes around her, she had always been creative. So she chose to be an artist… At least the closest thing to an artist her parents allowed her to be.

At the age of 20, my mother was sure that, if possible, she'd like to skip getting married and get on with the rest of her life. Perhaps she would move in with her best friend and adopt as many cats as she could. Or maybe she would take out a loan and go traveling around the world…

But then she got pregnant. And although my mother never wanted to be a bride, she saw herself becoming one.

She never rehearsed for the role, after all, it was a scenario ripped from her worst nightmares: living with someone else, being a housewife, preparing food for three.

Dreams of a life she had left behind used to haunt her at night, along with the crying of a baby.

Marriage is not a cage for everyone. But, it seemed to be for her and her rebellious soul.

For a long time, I did not understand her anger, until the day she told me about all the plans she had made in the past. After that, I could only hope she would somehow find a way to make those dreams and hopes come true.

She took the first step and divorced my father after many, many years. And on she went, chasing after the dreams that were within her reach.

She'd never be a skater or a doctor. And she can't come back to be a rebellious teen. But, in the end, she was free.

At least that one dream became true.

[gemsofgreece]

@sugaroto Okay I am glad I found this because I wanted to rant about it and now you gave me the ideal opportunity. Let me just say I started this show with high hopes, I recommended it to someone here just yesterday and I even made a positive review a while ago which I hope I have deleted since because I cannot find it anymore and whose memory alone makes me feel like an utter clown 🤡.

Do not make the mistake to think people dislike this only because they are homophobes or conservatives. The show is actually shit and only its creators and maybe very few fans upvoting it act like it’s the biggest masterpiece of Greek TV. There is a reason it barely gets a 9% in viewership ratings (I recommended it because I was asked for LGBT representation, not for shows I personally like).

Here’s everything that is wrong with Milky Way and there’s a lot. I am going to spoil the entire show basically so be aware of the spoilers under the cut.

1. Its promotion was insane and misleading.

Some people said I Magissa was oversold because they created the impression it was something like Game of Thrones. First of all, no, I Magissa did not imply it’s like GoT in the battles or the dragons and the sets but in the powerplays and the dynamics between family members which is totally true. Whoever says this about I Magissa, simply has never seen the true extent of overselling something as it shines through the promotion of Milky Way. Milky Way was promoted as a «γροθιά στο κατεστημένο», like an attempt to expose all the pathogens in the Greek society and defeat its backwardness once and for all. Its director and actors literally promised that in the last episodes the plot would go to groundbreaking paths like no Greek show has ever done before and I want to pull my hair out because this is such a fat lie, it’s unethical! In this show literally NOTHING happens. Nada. Tipota. Oh, except for an abortion. The abortion in Maestro was 100 times better in every way (although, granted, it was for different reasons).

2. Yes, the show has taken a divorce from reality.

This is not even about how the teenagers act. The show supposedly wanted to show the “dark side” of Greek provincial conservatism, except it fails so badly, it ends up complimenting it rather than condemning it. But the biggest problem is that there is not even Greek realism at all, conservative or not. The whole show looks like it takes place in a different country. It is set up supposedly in a godforsaken town in the “Greek Far North” where it gets super cold and snowy even in October or something. In a low altitude. The houses are wooden prefabs that people build on their own, like, the ONE thing you are guaranteed to never see in Greece. Not only all houses look like wooden huts on the outside but they look like proper apartments with numerous rooms on the inside lmao. The houses look exactly like those of American recluses. Bear with me, even the church looks like A PROTESTANT church. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The most unbelievable thing however was that they somehow chose to keep the priest in Orthodox vestments. I think this is the Greekest thing they suffered to have in the show. This town is dragged immensely by all the characters, everyone supposedly hates it, especially the young people. To their mind living there is like the worst nightmare because they feel “forgotten behind the world”. It’s that backwards and small. So backwards and small that the teenagers run and dance in the (lame) fields in their free time because there is nothing else to do……. Except this tiny godforsaken town also has a) massive urban super-modern supermarkets, b) fully organised big wrestling schools, c) illegal fighting pits with a lot of participation, d) big amusement parks, e) big factories, f) super-contemporary massive hospital and an ambulance that arrives in two seconds while the whole area is covered in thick ice and, my personal favourite, g) correspondence with big temporary exhibitions such as one that was supposedly a massive and very realistic replica of NASA’s grounds. OF NASA!!!!! Like, both those who wrote the script and those who promoted the show do the same drugs, there’s no other explanation. Or, they really wanted to make a show for Americans in small towns in the Greek language. For one thing, this show is not for someone who has ever stepped one foot in Greece. Furthermore, the poor teenagers who live in this godforsaken village act like they are confined there with chains. They all act like their biggest ambition in life is to go to Athens and they treat everyone who has been to Athens with huge respect. They repeat over and over how it is impossible to ever leave that shitty town??? It is so stupid, I was laughing so much with my friends, they act like they have to cross Siberia in order to reach Athens, I kid you not. How far can this fucking place be? Five hours? Seven hours? TEN HOURS?! It’s presented like getting someone from Appalachia to Los Angeles, certainly not like someone going from Thrace to Athens XD There are also some financial issues mentioned, however those are never proven by the state of their houses and clothing. Like, sure, they may not be rich, but they certainly can afford going to Athens if that’s literally the biggest ambition in their life. *Thessaloniki apparently does not exist in this Greek universe because if it existed it would make this show look even more ridiculous. I hear you ask: “But how else could they emphasise on the bleak Greek reality?”. That’s the point; everything is so far from the Greek reality that the show fails to make any remotely believable commentary on this supposed Greek bleakness.

3. You want to slap those characters silly

My god, this show is supposed to show Progress and the FutureTM and how the young generation suffers from the narrowmindedness of the older conservative sad generations. Except there is nothing sadder than those young people that are presented as role models. Boys and girls who get relentlessly fucked from their early teens without protection, by adults. Underage boy getting ravaged in dark market storage rooms by adult drug dealer who then also gives him drugs and the whole thing is brushed off as “who cares, surely he’s done things worthier of imprisonment” than that. A girl who lives the tragedy of (still) being a virgin at 17 because a video of her sucking a massive cock (at 15???) was leaked and now she has trauma and wants little dick guys and the tragedy is that everyone is well endowed. All those teenagers act like the most oppressed and suffocated little flowers you can imagine. They all act like the society does not allow them to unfold their “unique” and “different” personalities. Meanwhile, they fuck fuck fuck without any interference of their parents, they do and sell drugs, they curse worse than sailors (especially the girls, the guys are like French courtmen of the 18th century compared to how the girls talk lol), not a single one of them has ANY ambition or interest regarding school, education and self improvement whatsoever, their vocabulary is poorer than a toddler’s, their sexuality is accepted by the parents, so exactly HOW ON EARTH are those kids oppressed by the backwards system??? If anything, these kids should be disciplined, not let loose like public dangers. Literally none of any teenagers has the merest personality (despite all thinking they are super special) except for a love for dance. All teenage girls in this town have as a life aspiration to go to Athens to dance for Fureira. GO GO FEMINISM!!!

On the other hand, the supposedly stern and sad and narrow-minded older characters might not be super interesting but they are more sympathetic - you get the themes of the need for a friend, someone to talk to, the grief for a deceased lifelong partner, the feelings of confusion when you are neglected by your spouse, ACTUALLY GOING TO NIGHT SCHOOL TO IMPROVE ON YOURSELF but dealing with feelings of shame because of it, a devotion to family, sacrificing things for those you love, being kind and polite and sensitive. Sure they are sad but the teenagers aren’t exactly happy either, and the older adults are infinitely more sympathetic and human. Therefore, how exactly does this show succeed when the conservatives are so much more likeable than the “progressive youth”? By the way, the Athenian teenagers (whom the provincial girl gazes upon like they are demigods) are exactly the same as the other teenagers, no money so not living more luxe than the provincial ones, no personality except sex, clubbing and puking their guts out. How fun.

4. Sexuality in the end is not presented right

Despite the representation that is really there, in the end a blooming lesbian relationship is shot down as a straight woman being confused because her husband neglected her! Despite the main character being established early as pansexual (and not gay) and even though it is heavily hinted towards the end that there might be something more between him and the female protagonist, this arc also does not deliver as the show ends cowardly because it apparently does not dare show the pansexual boy kiss or what with the girl so as to not “spoil his bold image of having sex with adult guys”. So, in their effort to not disappoint gay men, they entirely shit on his pansexual characterisation, which is an orientation with even less visibility than the male gay one.

5. Milky bitch!

We are expected to care for the drama of the female main character who gets pregnant and wants to have an abortion and she is presented as a modern “Virgin Mary”. In their words. Anyway the truth is that Maria absolutely needed to get this abortion. The thing is, not so much because she would suffer, but because the poor baby would 100% suffer. This is a character you have to build as sympathetic and yet she is extremely insufferable. She curses her life, her town and everything else nonstop in every episode, she constantly whines about everything except she has many friends, a (stupid but loving) boyfriend and caring supportive parents. She constantly says some crap about the universe here and there (hence, Milky Way) because she has a PerSoNaLItYy and loves reading about space, except this also means nothing because she is not a studious student, she does not show any interest in Physics and Math, she has no ambition of pursuing this as a job or actively developing the hobby. No, her goal in life is to dance behind Fureira. And to throw some random space fun facts to people’s face to show how cleverer than anyone else she is. Except she is so very stupid. Everything that happens to her is her mistake because she is presented as someone who supposedly knows stuff, is accustomed to having sex, is clever and can stand for herself, and yet she has unprotected sex with her incredibly dumb boyfriend. She acts like her parents are the worst (which they aren’t) and apparently she finds it easier and more reasonable to become a drug dealer than talk to them, and involve her friends as well to it. She finds it more reasonable and easier to drive her and her boyfriend into a house!!!!!!! and risking getting the both of them killed in order to pretend she lost the baby due to the accident than simply say to her parents she had an abortion. And it’s true, when the parents and the boyfriend found out, they were all angry, they were against abortion but… there was anger and then after a little it was resolved and that was it. Her parents weren’t bad people. They deeply cared for her well-being first and foremost and they were soft people. It was established from the beginning. If she could stand her ground for ten fucking minutes, like she could do so easily against criminals and really weird situations, this could have been resolved from the second episode but she chose to act in secret, involve her friends with criminals, having them physically abused and financially destroyed because of all this, nearly die and nearly kill her boyfriend. And all that while trashtalking all of them without a bloody break. Maria is the biggest asshole I have seen lately on a show or movie. And I don’t give a shit for her drama. Good for her to get a very much needed abortion. Now I wish her also a brain transplant or something. How stupid and how superficial her personality is becomes clear when she and her new Athenian friends go to the Planetarium (because of her lifelong space passion) - most of them are drunk and act like five year olds disturbing the experience of all the other people there. Eventually they are asked to leave the Planetarium and they leave laughing like idiots. That’s who Maria is - a selfish idiot with zero care for the people around her who constantly whines about how clever and mature and different she is.

6. The true abortion

The true abortion was not Maria’s pregnancy but the abortion of the Greek language. In a sentence of 10 words, the 8 are English. The one Greek remaining is a swear word and the second might be a word they couldn’t totally ditch like “and”, “he”, “no”. I could feel their agony when they had to add Greek dialogue in a scene through the screen. It’s true teens have this slang with many English words but the way this is portrayed in the show is ridiculous and extremely annoying.

7. When you don’t know how to be progressive

It’s sad when people self-identify as progressive when they are so far from it. Everyone in this show was heralding intellectual Middle Ages. They thought that progressive means essentially turning your show into soft porn with the excuse that there are several orientations. The truth is that the show has unnecessarily explicit sex scenes (both gay and straight). Some fans acted like people only clutched their pearls at the gay sex scene but I found the straight ones (and the masturbation) too lengthy and uncomfortable. Maybe that’s just me. It was basically soft porn in some scenes. Then in the last episodes the show suddenly does a turn towards “innocence” that also leads nowhere. The truth is that the show isn’t progressive - the only thing it manages is to be aggressively provocative. It is super manipulative because it feels like it waits in the corner for viewers to express some discomfort or doubt for it to say “GOTCHA! You didn’t like that so you must be a narrowminded conservative imbecile”. No mate, you are just cheap as hell. Cheap as hell. Neither the decent cinematography nor the valiant efforts of the actors could save how cheap this show and how stupid this plot was. And yes it copies Euphoria a lot in some ways (not always though). But the difference is that Euphoria doesn’t try to play the “moral” card at your face. Milky Way pretends its super problematic and toxic lobotomised characters are superior and destined to rule the world and for the world’s sake I hope this is not true.

8. No I am not exaggerating about any of the above. Thanks for the trigger that led to this massive rant. Sorry, I had to get this off my chest.

Ps: as a side note I think the show actually does sometimes acknowledge its young characters are immature and childish and not very clever. However, we only ever see their judgemental talk targeted towards the older people and we never see any sort of evaluation or self-evaluation of the young generation’s shortcomings. As a result, the impression that the show constantly waves a finger in situations it has no reason to do so remains much stronger than any generous suspicion that there might be a hint of social commentary there.

Has anyone here watched Milky Way? There was a discussion about it in class and a guy said that it's a show that needed to be done bc of the things it has and all (he said something about the girl who got pregnant and wants to have an abortion and her co-star who never hid his sexuality)

And another girl said she disagrees with him, and that the show is awful and should have never even be an idea

Which I think is kind of harsh? Not even an idea?

Like, I haven't watched it thats why I'm asking here, the only thing I know is that people described it as "Greek Euphoria" and hated it bc theres a gay in it or something.

And that it's like? Too much? Nobody acts like that

Which I guess sounds like Euphoria, but if Euphoria has such a fan base why do people hate this one

Shows aren't always supposed to be realistic, who would watch a show about a 17 year old studying about Panhellenics huh? It's more interesting if she tries to sell drugs instead you know

[luxshine]

“Yo  a ti, Cas” Or how mexican dubbing gripped us tight and raised us from Despair.

Ok. So I promised a big meta about the dubbing thing and so while I don’t have all the answers YET, here’s a bit of perspective on the differences between Despair and The Truth.

  First, a little background. I am a former professional dubbing translator. While I worked on anime series from Japanese to Spanish, rather than in live action ones from English to Spanish, the process is not that different. Also, I worked in Mexico, where Supernatural is dubbed, so that’s why I can make the assumptions I make. Finally, my specialization in college was translation from English to Spanish, so I guess I know what the hell I’m talking about.

  So let’s start on HOW you translate something for a dub. Back in the day, you got a ton of VHS tapes with the episodes on them with time codes, and, if you were lucky, a shooting script. This is to say, it was not a transcript of the actual words said in the episode, but the script BEFORE the actors, directors, and everyone else had a hand on what was said and changed. And thus, anything adlibbed? Is not going to be in that script which, at least for the anime side of things? Was a nightmare as the script was usually “And here X actor can say whatever they want” and I had to go and listen to the scene ten thousand times. Now a days, you get either a video file or a streaming link, and sometimes, the shooting script. If you get a script, btw, you can also not get a script in the original language. I know that the person who had to translate Sprited Away to Spanish was working off a German script, not the Japanese one. So yeah, some things can be lost in translation there.

  THEN you get to translate. BUT you can’t just translate word by word. You have to adapt it so that it will sound like something a person will say, and sometimes, literally is not the way to do it. And in particular, Mexican dubbing has a reputation to uphold as the “Neutral” dub that is send to most Spanish-speaking countries in Latin America, so we can’t use certain words (I don’t have the list at hand, but I remember that I couldn’t use “Llanta” for Tire, and so I had to use “Neumatico”. And no “sweaters” or “hotcakes” or stuff like that), AND we have to match the lips of the original video. Which is like, the worst nightmare ever because of what we call “labiales”, that is to say, the letters where lips close.

  I can’t tell you how much we all loved when a character gave a long winded speech with their back to the camera due to those damned closed lip letters.

  All this is to say that sometimes, the line could be “We are all in this together for good or bad”, and the translation become something more like “Estamos en esto, por las buenas o las malas” (We’re on this, the good way or the bad way) or “Estamos juntos en las buenas y en las malas” (We’re together in the good and the bad), depending on the translator, dub director, and voice actor.

  Depending on the client, that is, the original owner of the series, sometimes they will review the translation once it’s all dubbed and edited. I know that in the Avengers movie, a Disney rep was present on the cabin and forbade any changes from the script, which resulted on a couple of awkward lines in the end result. I don’t know if that’s the case for Supernatural, but I honestly doubt it. Still, translators can’t make huge changes for the dialogue. One couldn’t just ADD a relationship that wasn’t there, no matter what.

  (As an aside, due to the very conservative mindset of some tv stations, it’s more common that gay relationships become more ambiguous, by changing “I love you” to “Te quiero” which can be more of a filial love than a romantic one. And well, that one case in Sailor Moon where a gay character was changed into a woman because the dub director honestly thought the character was a woman. But that was in the nineties)

  Now, let’s go to how Castiel’s speech was translated.

  The original, according to Superwiki, went like this:

  Castiel:  You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.

Dean: Why does this sound like a goodbye? Castiel: Because it is. I love you. Dean: Don't do this, Cas. Cas.

  And the translation, as it was aired, went like this (And people, you have no idea the war flashbacks transcribing this gave me, so I hope you appreciate it):

  Castiel: Eres el hombre mas amoroso sobre la Tierra. Un hombre sin egoismo; el hombre mas generoso que haya visto, y que jamas vere. Sabes que desde que nos conocimos y desde que te saque del infierno, el conocerte me ha cambiado. Porque a ti te importa. Y a mi me importa. Me importas tu. Y me importa Sam, me importa Jack, me importa todo el mundo. Y fue por ti. Tu me cambiaste, Dean.

  Dean: Porque suena esto a despedida?

  Castiel: Porque asi fue. Te amo.

  Dean: Yo a ti, Cas. (The empty appears and Billie opens the door) Cas…

  Castiel: Adios Dean

  Dean: No!

  Ok. So… At first glance, they’re pretty much the same until we get to the I love you. BUT let’s dissect it a little bit.

  Cas begins with a “Eres el hombre mas amoroso sobre la Tierra” which is not how I would’ve translated “The most caring man on Earth” since “caring” is more like “Cariñoso” rather than “amoroso” which would be “loving”, and yes, there’s a difference. Plus, “el hombre mas amoroso” sounds a bit clunky, so Personally, I’d have gone with “Eres el hombre mas cariñoso en la Tierra”, that would’ve given us more time for the rest of the speech, but I wonder if the translator choice for Amoroso instead was more due to the fact that “amor” (love) is more clearly romantic than “care” (cariño, in a sense, more on this later) and so it foreshadows the end.

  Again, with the literal clunkyness we have “Un hombre sin egoismo” (A man without egoism) which sounds weird no matter what language you speak, and it should’ve been “Un hombre dadivoso” (A giving man) or “un hombre desinteresado” (a selfless man) although the second could be mis-construed as “a man without interests” so “dadivoso” would’ve better. But the more puzzling is that the Spanish separates the selfless man from the next, which is REALLY confusing as the English is “the most loving man”, which would be “el hombre mas amoroso” making it quite redundant, so the Spanish changes it to “the most generous man”, “el hombre mas generoso”. To add to this, Cas continues with “that I have seen and I will ever see” instead of “That I know”, because it’s far more poetic. And loving.

  So yeah, Mexican Cas is basically saying that Dean Winchester is made of love and puppies.

  Ahem.

  The next part “You know, ever since I pulled you out of hell, you’ve changed me” is more or less word for word, and the only thing that changes is that the English sounds more like a question and the Spanish one is an affirmation. YOU KNOW that ever since I pulled you out of hell, you changed me.” Little verb tense play, that doesn't change much except Cas’s resolution to say what he has to say.

  And then we get to the part that made me squeal out loud. Because we go from

  “Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you”

  To

  “Porque a ti te importa. Y a mi me importa. Me importas tu. Y me importa Sam, me importa Jack, me importa todo el mundo.” Which at first glance is the same, but NOPE.

  First change: The original is in past tense “I cared”. Spanish version is in present tense: “I care”.

Which is a little non important thing except when you remember that simple present means ���immutable absolute truth that won’t change with time”

  Second, the choice of word for care.

  I mentioned before that Care can be Cariño, as in filial, non romantic love (Or romantic love pet name, as it can also be Darling. It’s one of THOSE words). Other translations for care include “cuidado” (as in attention, concern, keeping, and worry), and of course “interesarse” (Which also can be care), “preocuparse” (care, bother, trouble, mind, fuss), and yes, “importar” but “importar” ONLY translates to English as a verb as “import”, “matter” “amount to” and notice how none of those words include “love”.

  Mexican Cas is not saying “you love the world, and so I do”. Mexican Cas is saying “The world matters to you, and thus it matters to me, but my feelings for the World (and Sam, and Jack) are not in the same league as my feelings for you.”

  And then Dean asks “Why does this sound like a Goodbye”, just like in English, in present tense…

  And Mexican Cas replies in PAST tense. “Porque asi fue”. And THIS is important because it means that everything he said before WAS the goodbye, and not what comes next. All the rest? Is in the past. “Because it was”. Not “Because it IS”. And the next part? Is their future.

  I love you.

  Te amo.

  Simple present. No ambiguity like “te quiero”. Spanish Te amo is for romantic love. Not brotherly, not family, not bro-mantic. ROMANTIC.

  It’s like “I’m IN love with you” (Although that’d be “Estoy enamorado de ti” and I doubt that would’ve fit in the time Misha spoke)

  And of course, the answer. “Yo a ti, Cas”. Not “And I, you” as I’ve seen it before (And I also thought it was, until transcribing the scene) but a simple “I, you, Cas.” Which ok, pretty cave-speak, but the meaning is pretty clear. Dean Winchester loves his gay angel.

  It is also telling that the empty doesn’t appear until AFTER Dean confessed, so no, Mexican Cas is not “happy with the saying”, he had to get to the “happy with the having”.

  And when Billy appears, it does seem as if he wants to say something more, but Cas is a love-sick selfsacrificing dumbass and so we all get our hearts broken.

I did get in contact with Dean Winchester’s mexican voice actor, and am waiting for answers to a small interview I did with him which includes the question “did that And I you, Cas” was in the script, and am trying to contact Castiel’s mexican voice actor. So I will be updating you on that. But I hope this clears up some of the questions about how Mexican dubbing made Destiel Canon :D

[nix-that-rad-lass]

Hot take, but I think radblr needs to hear it:

There shouldn’t be so much shame in re-identifying your sexuality after you have done some serious questioning.

There have been a few handfuls of women on here who identified as lesbian and later came out as bi, or vice versa.

I understand how, outside of the lesbian and bisexual communities, that’s harmful, but we are in this together and frankly the women who go through this get too much hate.

Yes, it’s irritating. Yes, it can paint a bad picture of us. But I’d think female solidarity comes before this.

The women who do this soul searching, who rip themselves apart, go over their past, relive their trauma, only to feel fear at living, speaking, and identifying properly because a bunch of so-called radfems get pissy that, oh no, people change! People sometimes don’t know who or what they are! People can have trauma that causes them to identify a certain way!

You accept detransitioned women, acknowledging many transitioned to escape oppression or trauma, but you can’t do the same to just... not be a shithead to women who had difficulty with understanding and labeling their sexuality?

In light of the stuff regarding badfem, too, you can say “yeah I figured that much...” and sure that’s rude but good fucking god y’all went insane. Unhinged. The cruelty towards her was insane. It makes you no better than her at her worst.

The way you all treat women who reidentify their sexuality after coming to a better understanding of themselves is fucking disgusting. How dare you call yourself a feminist only to turn around and be so unimaginably cruel to other women?

I’m not saying someone who deliberately ID’d as the wrong sexuality go gain access to their spaces is a good person, but for fucks sake it’s not that hard to not be a shitty asshole. It’s not that hard to say “hey this really could hurt our community so please be aware of that, but I appreciate you being truthful and no longer pretending to be something you’re not”

You can say you dislike someone’s actions without throwing away your humanity for a few wokie or rudefem points.

Not to mention the sheer amount of young radfems- those under 25- who don’t have a ton of life experience, who have grown up in a neoliberal vs conservative environment, who were often part of the trans cult, who have faced more trauma from male peers, have been groomed by society, forced to adapt to pornified world... it’s not surprising that so many young women mis-identify themselves because the lines have been terribly blurred, women on all sides of the political spectrum are facing oppression and cruelty, that so many women are trying desperately to escape their innate or true sexuality.

Straight women face abuse from radfems on here, called fuck cattle, dick worshipers, and handmaidens. Add to this porns sexualizing effect on bisexuality/lesbianism, and yeah, you’ll get a handful of straight women identifying as Bi. The answer is not to make radical feminism more hostile to straight women!

Bi women face shit from literally everyone on here, but most notably lesbians on radblr. The attempt to discard their attraction to men, coupled with the cruelty towards bi women, yeah a lot of them are gonna ID as lesbian to escape that! The answer is not to be more hostile to bisexual women and febfems

There are NGS lesbians, who have often already faced trauma, who have already hated themselves, and felt that disgust, have ID’d as bi or straight, and yet gold star puritans come out of the woodwork to be assholes to them. Yet again, the solution is not to make this community more hostile towards them!

If you want to stop women from falsely identifying as an inaccurate sexuality, the answer is to be accepting and supportive of women taking the time to understand themselves and/or potentially experiment. The answer is NOT to fucking shame and silence women who are struggling to properly identify themselves because of shitholes like you, not to mention the nightmare that is queer and trans politics, AND conservative and right wing bigotry.

Radical feminism is supposed to be a haven for women to find safety and community in a quest for female liberation. It’s not supposed to be a circle jerk of some women thinking they’re better than others for something out of their control!

For fucks sake, it is not that hard to grasp!

[onebatch2batch]

need to talk somewhere so emotional stuff under the cut

tw suicide

my sister is my favorite person in this world. i pretty much raised her since my dad was fairly absent physically and my mom was absent mentally. she’s my baby and my best friend and i am constantly worried about her. she lives with my younger brother (whose 21) and my parents 4.5 hours away and she’s miserable there--she just graduated college, she feels like she has no future, she’s depressed and living as a young, gay liberal woman in my conservative parent’s household--not to mention with my emotionally and physically abusive brother. i am trying to get on my own feet and i don’t really have the ability to take care of her down here, so i keep in touch and let her know i love her and that i’m here for her, and now that i’m about to start my new job making more money we can get a plan to get her down here.

then my step mom calls me this morning to let me know that last night my sister tried to kill herself. she filled a backpack full of weights and walked into my parent’s pool after getting drunk. 

it’s my worst nightmare. this is everything i’ve been dreading, that she feels like she has no way out. so i called her this afternoon and talked to her about it and all i’ve been doing is crying because i feel like i’ve completely failed her for not having my shit together enough to take care of her. and my parents are acting like this isn’t even a big deal. i was prepared to go get her today and they just kept stalling and saying that they had someone coming to the house with an IV for her hangover and he paid $300 for it so she kept feeling more and more guilty about leaving. this is all they do--they’re shitty parents until their image is at stake, and then they try and act like they give a shit for appearances. and then they manipulate their children into staying.

long story short i finally convinced her and she’s coming down tomorrow morning. i have no idea what’s going to happen. i live in a one bedroom apartment. i am struggling to keep up with grocery and fuel and utility costs. but there  is no universe where i am going to continue letting her live with my parents when she is this miserable. i can’t do it. i love her so much. i want her happy and healthy and i can’t believe my parent’s (lack of) reaction to all this. 

i’ve already cut my birth mom out of my life for a myriad of reasons, and now i don’t see a choice but to cut them out too. i can’t just stand by while they let this happen. 

i don’t know. i just want everything to be okay. 

[metisket]

Books about language

For someone who has never studied linguistics, I am a huge nerd about linguistics in an Amateur Hour sort of way. And so I will torment you with my favorite books about language! No one can stop me.

Most of these books are just dragging English, but some of them wander over and make cruel remarks about other languages as well. Love that for them.

The Mother Tongue, by Bill Bryson

It’s been many years since I read this, and I need to re-read it desperately, because I remember it being hugely fun and just Bill Bryson being like, “So, the English language. WHAT A HOT MESS, AM I RIGHT? Let’s discuss.”

I love Bill Bryson anyway, but he’s also very suited for discussing the theater of the absurd that is the English language. He’s having fun with it and he feels that you should be, too.

Spellbound, by James Essinger

Presumably you are already super mad about English spelling. If you want to direct that anger to a specific source, this is the book for you. (TLDR; it was the Norman Invasion. The Normans did this to us, guys. IT WAS THEM.) This book is very fun and educational and will make you froth at the mouth with rage, because why. WHY. See if learning about the Y thorn doesn’t make you just want to hurl the book out the window. It’s not the book’s fault, but still. STILL.

In the words of the author, “Many people, whether native speakers of English or those learning English as a second language, regard English spelling as at best a joke and at worst a nightmare deliberately designed to bamboozle and perplex anyone who tries to learn it.”

(Also he randomly calls out Bill Bryson at one point, because the world of linguistics is apparently both small and catty. Academia! Love it.)

Our Magnificent Bastard Tongue, by John McWhorter

This entire book feels like an ongoing argument the author is having with someone who is not you. He never introduces a topic with, “Here’s what I think about x.” No, it’s always, “SOME people may argue OTHERWISE, but here are all the reasons why they are DEAD WRONG...”

(idk who he’s fighting with, but I thought his arguments about the Celtic influence on English were very strong. Cheering for you, John McWhorter!)

John McWhorter clearly speaks a lot of languages and is mad about literally all of them. He seems to be mad about everything, frankly, but in a way you can respect. Here’s a good quote about a Theory I have also heard and also found to be nonsense in the case of, say, Japanese:

“There is a canny objection one sometimes hears out there, that English is easy at first but hard to master the details of, while other languages are hard at first but easy to master the details of. Purportedly, then, Russian means starting out cracking your teeth on its tables of conjugations and case markers and gender marking, but after that it’s smooth sailing.

“Nonsense. English really is easy(-ish) at first and hard later, while other languages like Russian are hard at first and then just as hard later! Show me one person who has said that learning Russian was no problem after they mastered the basics--after the basics, you just keep wondering how anybody could speak the language without blacking out.”

...Just so angry. *pats on head* *draws back bloody stump*

The Prodigal Tongue, by Lynne Murphy

Another Angry Linguist I love. She’s a New Yorker who’s spent decades living in the UK and being constantly harassed about her American accent, and she’s officially taken all the shit on that subject that she is willing to take in this life. She runs a blog called Separated by a Common Language. She is Done.

But with one thing and another, she has an encyclopedic knowledge of and fascination with all the differences between British English and American English, and it’s really fun to read. Weirdly enough, American English is apparently the more conservative dialect--it’s changed more slowly than British English over the centuries. I feel like I’ve read that this is also true of France French and Quebec French? Strange.

Anyway, excellent book: educational, funny, and full of bitter sarcasm.

Is That a Fish in Your Ear?, by David Bellos

This is about translation, and won me over immediately by having a Douglas Adams nerd reference right there in the title. Bless.

It discusses translation in general, the impossibility of literal translation, machine translations, trade languages, dragomans of the Ottoman Empire, and other translation drama.

There is also a really fascinating chapter on the history of simultaneous translation, which was first used in the form we know it now at the Nuremberg Trials. (Fun for everyone, of course. Nobody knew how exhausting it was going to be for the translators, plus translators kept bursting into tears and having to be replaced due to the nature of the testimony.)

The history of translation: challenging, cool, and a lot more politically fraught than I’d imagined.

Have fun with these navel-gazing books about language. They are great. XD

[lumini-317]

Hello!

This will be my official “introductory” post!

My real name is Erica, but I go by many names. My nickname repertoire includes but is not limited to: Lumi, Lumini, Cricket (I have a habit of rubbing my feet together, lmao), Jinx, Eri, Er, EriJoy, Sunbaeby, and Aceir (my real name but in alphabetical order).

This is my first ever Tumblr blog. I’ve had it for a while but have rarely posted anything, that along with the fact that I’m on mobile is kind of a mess so I apologize for mistakes and all that.

I have 3 older brothers, an older sister, and a younger brother.

I’m an ambivert. Sometimes I love hanging out with bigger groups of people, other times I dread it.

I’ve taken the “16personalities” test 4 times and all 4 put me in the “Diplomat” category, however I got “Advocate” (INFJ) 2 times, and “Protagonist” (ENFJ) and “Mediator” (INFP) 1 time each.

I am LGBTQ+. I’m asexual, aro+panromantic flux, and while I feel like I’m genderfluid, the changes are very subtle and so I sometimes just go with agender, gendervoid, or neutrois. It’s a lot less complicated that way. I’m ambiamorous, and also pronoun apathetic!

I love whump. I’ve loved it for as long as I can remember but only found the whump community maybe 3(?) years ago.

I also love K-Pop, C-Pop, J-Pop, and Asian dramas, mainly K-Pop and K-Dramas, though.

I’m a HUGE multistan. ATEEZ, SKZ, TBZ, EXO, BTS, Red Velvet, SHINee, iKON, MONSTA X, TWICE, TO1, WANNA ONE, SuperM, X1, MIRAE, Ciipher, Golden Child, Purple Kiss, BAE173, SF9, IU, ONEUS, ONEWE, The Rose, PIXY, LUCY, STAYC, WEi (which I pronounced as “way” for an embarrassingly long time), Dreamcatcher, Brave Girls, TXT, ENHYPEN, SNSD, KARD, AKMU, SHAUN, Gaho, NCT, GHOST9, 1team, SE7EN, Cross Gene, D1ce, AB6IX, CRAVITY, BLACKPINK, CIX, VIXX, f(x), 4Minute, CLC, YEZI, B.I, Wonho, (G)I-DLE, EVERGLOW, SEVENTEEN, BROOKLYN, Ha Hyunsang, DAY6, GOT7, Teen Top, BAP, TREASURE, UNIQ, etc! It goes on, far longer than I can list. I am also very much against fanwars, they disgust me.

I’m also a HUGE animal lover, and a big softie. I can’t even squish insects. I don’t care that they can’t feel pain and don’t experience emotions, I just can’t bring myself to. I make it my mission to save any type of animal I come across. I find toads in our koi pond and immediately pick them out and take them to a safe place. I help turtles across the road. I got a mouse out of a puddle and revived it, releasing it when it was healthy enough. I saw a snail on a piece of wood that was going to be thrown on a fire and carefully pulled it off and put it somewhere else. So far I’ve found 5 stray cats (Piper, Toothless, Felix, Kai, and Kit Kat—all were found as skinny, sickly kittens) and took them in, raising them as my own. I rescued a chipmunk from certain death-by-cat. I’ve even saved a few baby raccoons, ducklings, lizards, spiders, and snakes in my time. And I’ll keep doing so for as long as I live.

I love writing, drawing/sketching, and painting, however I’m not confident that I’m good at any of those things, lmao. I mean, I don’t think I’m the worst, but my finished “works” often leave me unsatisfied with my “skills”. But of course, that won’t stop me from trying to improve!

I’m a maladaptive daydreamer. This can cause issues in some places while helping me out in others. On one hand, it makes doing chores and such kind of difficult. Like one time I had to take care of my dad’s pigeons while he was fixing our shed and one time he pointed out how slow I was with the chores. His words were something along the lines of, “I’m already almost done with what I have to do and you’re still working with the pigeons.” Also, it (and maybe ADHD if I do have it?) made school a nightmare for me. But it’s also helpful because then during church it’s really easy to keep myself occupied while the pastors go on about their Magical Sky Daddy™’s son throwing a tantrum and killing a figtree because it didn’t have any figs and how that story should “challenge” us or something.

The characters in my daydreams are weird, though. They merge and separate with each other to make different characters depending on the situation. Most of them don’t have definite genders. Only a handful of them have names because they’re always merging and separating like some kind of Shadow Clone Masters or something. Stuff like that.

One of my characters is for sure a demi-boy, though, and his name is Kyler.

I brought this up because I was watching The Andy Griffith Show and Andy was giving Opie a lecture on how many poor kids there are in the world and used the ratio “one and a half boys per square mile”. Opie then says that he’s “never seen a half a boy before”. Kyler just sort of pops into (fake) existence, jumps off the couch, and throws his arms in the air while saying, “Half a boy, right here!” I burst out laughing. Thankfully it didn’t seem weird, since my parents started laughing at Opie and thought that I was just laughing at it, too.

Any-who.

If I daydream while I’m standing, I’ll often pace and gesture with my arms while moving my lips. Sometimes I’ll even whisper. If I’m sitting down, I usually fidget a lot (such as pick at my shirt and rub my feet together), stare into space, and move my lips or whisper. My family sometimes ask me, “Why are you whispering?” Or, “What are you grinning about?” And I just shrug because I don’t know how to explain it to them without risking them calling someone to pray over me, lmao. I mean, I wasn’t even allowed to have imaginary friends because that was “evil”. When I was about 7, I told my parents about my imaginary unicorn friend and they gave me a lecture and “prayed over me”. It was embarrassing and awkward for me.

I’m suspicious that I might have ADHD, but don’t have the money to actually get a professional diagnosis. I’m also too scared to ask my parents about it.

Speaking of which, my family and I don’t see eye-to-eye. I mean, they don’t know it because I’m good at hiding it, and they think I agree with mostly everything they do but boy, is it a mess.

You see, they’re evangelical conservative Christians. “LGBTQ+ people are going to hell”, “ThE LeFt ARe eViL AnD ARe TrYiNg To BrAiNwAsh OuR ChiLdrEn”, “Trump was sent by God”, “Intersex is fake”, “Women must submit to men”, “You should get married no later than in a year or ‘the temptation’ to have sex might become too much”, the whole bit.

Meanwhile I’m over here with my (imaginary) pride flags, just existing as an agnostic leftist who wants everyone to have equal rights, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, and would rather redo my horrifically atrocious kindergarten closing program role than pray to a god who (if they/he/she/it/whatever exists) gives cancer to kids and killed millions of innocent animals and people in the Bible.

But they have no idea that this is how I feel and now expect me to be baptized within the next month to show that I have “accepted Jesus Christ as my savior”. Yeah...that’s gonna be an awkward discussion...

Anyway, that’s just some things about me. Sorry that I got sidetracked a few times, lmao!

I look forward to posting more and maybe even making friends!

Thank you for reading (:

[ladycatofwinterfell]

There are clouds on my sky

After Sansa accidentally comes out as a lesbian to her parents she has a talk with her dad. Little did she know he understands exactly what she’s going through

This fic has mentions of homophobia and fear of not being accepted, so if that doesn’t feel right to read for you, please skip this one. And also, I just want to say that I can only write based on my own feelings and experiences, but that is different to everyone and this is not accurate for every LGBTQ+ person

But anyway, happy pride month, I wish everyone the very best <33

“You’ll have to take me out again soon” Jeyne smiled.

Sansa smiled as well. She had never really thought about what walking on sunshine would be like, but in the moment she was sure of that she was doing it. She was walking on sunshine. She was made of sunshine. Jeyne was nothing like anyone Sansa had met before. She was amazing.

They had had a picnic at the beach. And it had been just perfect. They had brought strawberries and mangoes and pineapple. All the best fruits. Though their sweetness had been nothing compared to Jeyne. Jeyne had kissed her. She could barely think about it without blushing. Oh she was in love. She had to be. There was no other explanation for her feelings.

“I promise” Sansa said, trying not to grin like an idiot.

She was probably failing.

“Good.”

That sight. Jeyne, a flower in her hair, standing in the sun with a smile on her face. Sansa had never seen anything more beautiful.

In a moment of courage, or maybe recklessness, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Jeyne’s lips. She could feel Jeyne’s hands on her shoulders and Sansa laid her hands on her arms. She was warm, and real, and just so utterly perfect.

“Bye” Jeyne said when they parted.

“Bye.”

She watched as Jeyne walked down the street. She looked after her until she took a turn and disappeared behind a house. The whole world was made of sunshine and rainbows and everything good.

That was until Sansa turned to walk up the driveway to her house and met the eyes of her mother.

Mom was standing on the porch. Sansa couldn’t read her face. Her heart dropped in her chest. Her mother always had her feelings on the outside, why did she just look empty?

“Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to intrude” Mom said.

She hated her. Her mom hated her. Her mom was disgusted by her. Her mom had just had her worst nightmare confirmed. That had to be it. Did she even want to be Sansa’s mother anymore?

Sansa had many times imagined how she would come out. She had had it all planned out in her head. She was going to bake a pride cake and she was going to sit down and tell them and it would be good. They would accept her and they would be happy for her.

She had not imagined she would come out by accidentally kissing a girl in front of her mother. And she had not thought her mother would be disgusted by it. She had not thought Mom would mind. She was fine with her Uncle Brynden, and Uncle Benjen. She had smiled widely when Jon introduced them to his boyfriend Satin. Why did she hate her?

“I was going to tell you” Sansa said, trying to keep the tears burning in her eyes under control. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not what you want me to be.”

“What are you..? Oh.”

Mom’s face softened. She walked down the stairs and came over to Sansa, pulling her into a hug. She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t. She could just cry against her mother’s shoulder. Mom held her tightly while she was shaking with sobs.

“Don’t be sorry, my darling girl. Never apologize for who you are. I’m the one who should be sorry, and I am, I am sorry for making you believe that I’m disappointed in you. For making you believe that I don’t accept you for this. I love you, and I always will. No matter what. Do you understand?”

Sansa nodded, holding onto Mom a little tighter. She was afraid, she could still feel her heart beating in her chest.

“You don’t hate me?” she sniffled.

“Of course not, Sansa. How could I ever hate you for who you love? It’s the most natural thing in the world.”

Neither of them said anything after that. They just stood there, Sansa wrapped into Mom’s arms. It felt good to have someone stroke her hair and softly hush her until she could breathe again.

“I’m sorry for one more thing, actually” Mom said and drew back slightly to look at her.

Sansa looked back at her. Looked at her face.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for that you did not get to do this at your own terms and when you were ready.”

Sansa saw a movement next to Mom’s face and when she turned her eyes towards it she saw her father. Mom also turned to see what Sansa was looking at.

“You don’t have to say anything unless you don’t want to” she said.

Dad tilted his head slightly to the side, clearly not wanting to ask. But she was ready, she had been ready before. She had just been taken by surprise. She had been surprised and afraid.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Sansa?”

She took a deep breath. In and out. 

“I’m a lesbian.”

Her father merely raised his eyebrows.

“Okay, would you like to talk about it?”

She didn’t know what reaction she had expected, but she was sure of that that wasn’t it.

“What do you mean?”

What was there to talk about? She had said it, it was out there, there was really nothing to talk about. She understood that they accepted her, but could they really understand her? She loved them, they were her parents, but they were also in a wildly heterosexual marriage.

“I mean that I might have more insight in this than you know.”

“You’re confusing me.”

Mom only smiled and kissed her temple.

“I’ll leave you two to it” she said.

She walked back to the porch and disappaered into the house again, closing the door behind her. Dad sat on the top of the stairs and gestured for Sansa to come sit next to him. She wouldn’t lie to herself, she was quite curious. So she slowly walked over to the porch and sat next to him.

“Now when you have told me something about you, I would like to tell you something about me” he said, looking up at the clear sky.

“And what is that?”

“Sansa?”

“Yes, Dad?”

There was a pause before his answer.

“I’m bisexual.”

That was a surprise. To say the least. She had never heard him, or anyone, say anything that I suggested that he was anything other than straight. Though she supposed that was just buying into the heteronormativity. Assuming without knowing. Though she hadn’t exactly been going on nothing.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“Mhm. I dated a guy before I met your mother.”

“I didn’t know that.”

When she thought of it she had barely seen any photos from before he and Mom were together. And it never really occurred to her that they must have been with others before they met each other. It was reasonable. But in Sansa’s mind it had always been them. Maybe because as long as she had lived it had been them.

“That’s not so strange, I barely talk about it anymore. I’ll always be proud of who I am, but I prefer to keep it among people I trust.”

“Did your family know?”

Sansa had told her siblings and Jon a month or two earlier. She had made them promise not to tell anyone else, and they hadn’t. She hadn’t really wanted others to know. She had seen what others her age sometimes said and did to people who were gay. She almost had trouble breathing just from thinking about it. And she couldn’t even imagine how it had been for Dad. Things were better than they had been before. She could trust her family. She could trust her friends.

“They did.”

“How did they find out? And what did they think of it?”

Dad sighed, suddenly looking sad. And before he even said anything Sansa knew. Her fears had been his reality. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked that. But she had really wanted to know what it had been like for him, she had never talked to anyone else about it before.

“My brothers and my sister didn’t really care. I was their brother no matter what, but my parents were more... well, they leaned towards the conservative side. I wasn’t planning on telling them, but a friend of theirs saw me and my boyfriend at the time in a restaurant, and told them. What happened after that wasn’t very pretty. But I don’t want you to think about that, I want you to focus on the beautiful thing in finding yourself and who you are.”

He smiled at her then and ruffled her hair.

“That might just be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard” Sansa muttered when she reached up to fix her hair again. “‘Beautiful thing in finding yourself’, ugh.”

“Ah, you’re Catelyn’s daughter” Dad chuckled.

It was a relief to hear that and know that it was true in everyone’s hearts. She was her mother’s daughter, her mother didn’t hate her.

“Though it is nice. Understanding yourself” she said.

For so long she had thought that there was just something wrong with her. Every time she thought about being with a boy it didn’t feel right at all. While her friends were all gushing about cute boys she had been trying so hard to understand, but she hadn’t. And then she had been horrified when she realized that what they thought about boys she thought about girls. It took her time to come to terms with it, but once she had it just felt right. It felt like she was finally where she was supposed to be. Though once she had reached that place she had also been afraid of that others wouldn’t think it was right.

“It’s very nice” he agreed.

“I didn’t understand for so long, but now I do and it’s the greatest feeling in the world. Everything felt wrong, and now it doesn’t anymore. I was just afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

“I get that. But long ago I decided that no matter what my kids turned out to be I would love and accept them. Because every child should be loved and accepted, making your child feel otherwise is inhumane. And I wish the world was a better place, I wish you didn’t have to be afraid of people not accepting you. If I could protect you from the people wishing harm upon people like us I would. And I’m sorry I can’t. I hate that I can’t.”

“It’s not your fault, Dad. But it’s scary. That moment when Mom was looking at me and I... I thought she didn’t accept me. I thought she hated me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to handle the thought of that she didn’t like what I am.”

She could feel the tears rise in her eyes again. Dad just moved closer to her and pulled her into a one armed hug. She leaned into it and rested her head on his shoulder. When had she last hugged her dad like that? She didn’t know.

“She was very supportive when I told her that the man that everyone thought had been my best friend had actually been my boyfriend. She can’t fully understand, but she has stood by my side and supported me for very many years now, and I wouldn’t want her anywhere else. I love her.”

“Like you loved him?” she asked.

“I have never loved anyone like I love your mother, but I did love him too. It took me a long time to realize, and a long time to come to terms with it, but once I did I was happy to love him. And when that was over and in the past it was hard to realize that I loved your mother. Because how could I love her when she was a woman and I had loved a man before that? You see, no one had explained bisexuality to me so I had to figure it out on my own. Most people thought that you were either gay or straight and that there were nothing else. But once I understood that it was fully possible to love both I was happy to love her as well.”

It was like it had been for her. She was glad she had him. She was glad he told her about his experience. It made it a little easier. She was glad he and Mom weren’t like her grandparents had been.

“I’m happy to love Jeyne” Sansa said.

“Is that her name?”

She couldn’t help but smile then. Just the thought of Jeyne made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. What would she have done if she had not met Jeyne?

“Yes. I met her when I was working at the cafe this spring. She’s wonderful.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“All through my childhood I have seen the way you and Mom look at each other. And I have known that no matter who I am with, I want that person to look at me that way. And it feels like I have found it.”

“Then I’m so very happy for you, Sansa.”

“Thank you. I’ll take her here someday so that you can meet her. You’ll love her too, there’s nothing about her that’s not to love.”

Dad kissed her forehead.

“I hope that maybe society is better than it was when I was your age” he mumbled. “And I’ll never let what happened to me happen to you.”

“Does it still hurt you?”

“Sometimes. I most often remember my parents as good people, but sometimes that can be hard. Because even though they eventually accepted that I wouldn’t change for them and tried to be okay with it because they were my parents and they loved me, that initial part still hurt a great deal. I try not to feel guilty for who I am, but it can be hard as well. Most often it doesn’t hurt though, not anymore. I’m at a good place now, I’m surrounded by great people and my lovely family. And you’ll be too. But from the beginning.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s really the bare minimum.”

She raised her head to look at him.

“No, I mean thank you for telling me. It was, well, not exactly nice, but it felt good to hear. And it means a lot to me.”

Some part of it had been terrible to hear, some things she wished had never happened to her dad. But she felt lighter than she had been before. She felt more understood. And she couldn’t for a moment think that they didn’t accept her.

“There’s so much more that I can’t say, stuff that you need to figure out on your own. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and that I’m always here for you no matter what. Mom is, as well.”

“I know that now and I have a question that you might be able to answer.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“Do you ever feel like you’re not really what you are? Like, do you doubt that you’re bisexual sometimes? Because sometimes I feel like that.”

She had been overcome with that several times. The feeling of that she was some sort of imposter, that she didn’t deserve to call herself a lesbian.

“I don’t, but I know others have. Some people were happy to hiss at me like I was a tratior for falling in love with and marrying a woman. And others were happy to see that I had finally abandoned the gay, sinful, part of myself and turned straight. People will try to make you doubt yourself, don’t listen to them, Sansa. Listen to yourself and do what feels right for you.”

“And what if I realize that I’m not a lesbian? What do I do then?”

That was another thing she was terrified for. 

“That’s entirely alright. Change your label if you feel like your current one doesn’t suit you. You can even choose not to label yourself at all, if you feel better that way. This really is different for everyone, just do your thing.”

“Is it really that easy?”

“Yeah.”

Sansa smiled and hugged him again. Properly that time, with both her arms. Dad hugged her back, held her.

“I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, Sansa.”

[millionsofstrangeshadows]

Interview for CollegeBound.net & Go-Girl.com  (2001)

Violinist Emilie Autumn Doing Her Part to Help & Letting Her Individuality Shine by Carole J. Brandi

Violinist Emilie Autumn knew that she would always stick with her convictions. As she steps onto the stage in a corset and combat boots, you can instantly sense she means business. But then you hear beautiful classical music! So, why the get-up? The classical world was too conservative, and the mainstream wanted to rearrange what she had to offer. She pulled out of a major record label because she refused to change. Emilie knew living life to her own "tune" would eventually strike a chord and she'd find an audience. Taking her strongest inspiration from her mom, this gal with a fiddle is proving that with determination you can have the fairy tale. Emilie began playing the violin at age 4 and it turned into a lifelong obsession. The talent was apparent and she landed many small gigs while in grade school. But her school life was not very stellar or full of kudos. She received recognition in local papers, which turned into her worst social nightmare. Her classmates were getting jealous. The kids mistook her shyness for being stuck up, and she was beat up frequently. So at the age of 10 her mother agreed to let her be home-schooled. "I ended up reading all the time and becoming as educated as my brothers and sisters who went to traditional schools," explains Emilie. Of course, she spent her free time practicing violin. Without her strong will, Emilie may not have grabbed the opportunity to get her GED and go to college at an early age. At 15, she enrolled in the College of Indiana School of Music, Bloomington, IN, because she was interested in pursuing jazz. Even though Emilie left the college after two years, she advises aspiring musicians to stay in school. "[You need to] have something to fall back on. I can definitely say it rounded out my training because it was so rigorous and demanding," Emilie admits. "I don't think anything can quite prepare you for the kind of variety of tasks you'll have to perform in real life like college."

"Non-Traditional Student" Stumbling Blocks

Still, Emilie discovered the lack of attention when you're a jazz violinist. "Not many people cared that I was a 15-year-old girl with a fiddle," Emilie recalls. Although Emilie's first love is classical music, her ideas of what ought to be done with classical music were always far from the standard format of tuxedos and concert halls. Her biggest influence being Jimi Hendrix, she began to play the electric violin. Performing in corsets and combat boots because she felt she had no sense of style won audiences but irritated the academic big-wigs. "The 'verbal beatings' I got told me the classical world would never be enough for me and that I'd always struggle with the acceptance of academic people in charge," says Emilie. By the time she was 17, she was ready to move on and forge the career she'd been crafting over the years. She began showing people the other things she'd been working on -- pop songs, Celtic fiddle playing, electronic Hendrix-inspired violin. She was instantly adopted by producers and record labels who saw her marketability.

Song for Sept. 11 Skyrockets Her Popularity

But Emilie was even more rebellious in the world of pop where money talks and people do anything to get famous. "I really wasn't that way but as soon as I saw the busy hands of record execs messing with my music, my sense of who I am, and what I look like, I wanted out of it," she recalls. Determined more now than ever, Emilie created what she hopes will become her own empire. She started her own label, Traitor Records, and a Web site. Her latest album Enchant will have some added help. Once the Web site went up, major distributors came knocking. So now Enchant will be distributed by a major record label while milie can still retain creative freedom. "I've been in these major deals before, but I didn't want an artist deal," she explains. "I wanted help to get this into the channels that reap major publicity because I really want to see what people think of my music on a wide scale."

Emilie never imagined how a catastrophic event would call her to arms and put her on the musical path she was destined to walk. She was at home in Chicago when the World Trade Center came under attack on September 11, 2001. "Someone who loved me called and said I should turn on the TV," she shares. This musically inclined gal couldn't just sit there and grieve. She asked herself what she could do. There was only so much money she could donate and she couldn't give blood. "The one thing I always turn to through any strong emotions, good or bad, is music and writing and it's just the most natural thing I can do," says Emilie. Her first instinct was a requiem but she realized people needed to be shown how to be strong. "I wanted to write something that would encourage people to believe that even in the presence of such unspeakable evil there was a brotherhood of good and just people, no matter how small." The proceeds from Emilie's single "By the Sword" will be being donated to the Red Cross. "The money I've raised off the extensive sales online and at shows has far exceeded the amount that I would have been able to give that day," Emilie proudly states. "The fact that I can keep helping people in need even now gives me a sense of satisfaction."

Emilie's Endnotes

Fave movie: Elizabeth. "I am a closet fan of Queen Elizabeth. I would pattern my life after her." Fave gig: "On my birthday, Sept. 22, I debuted the song "By the Sword." It was an all ages show largely for high school kids. There were 200-300 people there to have fun but it was really emotional. I said a few words about the song and what we're all going through. Then something just came over me and I decided I have this electric fiddle in my hands and I'm going to play the "Star Spangled Banner" first. It was close to Jimi Hendrix's guitar version and these kids completely came unglued." Fave female influence: "I adore Annie Lennox -- her voice, looks, not afraid to do anything. She can cut off her hair and age and still be gorgeous. All those things that every woman should be able to do and seem to be so hard." Biggest Pet Peeve: "Girls who completely deny their own intelligence and magnificence because they think that boys will like them more. In my opinion a guy who is not completely turned on by formidable intelligence is not worth even thinking about. Girls still have a really hard time saying 'I'm strong and I'm smart.'"